Once and Again
by VLRWriter
Summary: Fitz and Olivia share a daughter and a history, but both moved on. Olivia finds herself back in Fitz's life after the death of his second wife. Can they find their way back to each other?
1. Chapter 1

Once and Again

Chapter One: What's old is new again

The sound of the timer on the microwave pulled Olivia from her thoughts. She hopped off the barstool on which she sat and stuffed her hand into an oven mitt before pulling out perfectly round and golden brown cinnamon rolls. Her heart swelled with pride as she remembered her grandmother and the tried and true recipe she had imparted only to Olivia. It was a secret to be passed on from mother to daughter in their family. It had skipped one generation for Olivia's mother, but now she hoped to pass it along to her own daughter—if she could pry her away from her cell phone long enough.

"Vanessa, they're ready!"

Olivia yelped when she turned around and almost ran into her daughter, dressed impeccably in black.

"Gosh, mom, you don't have to yell," the teenager said with disgust. "It's not like I'm eating, anyway."

"You need something in your stomach before you go, please. Pick what you want, I don't care."

"I just finished my make up."

Olivia eyed her daughter suspiciously. Seemingly she had returned to her former self, but deep down, Olivia knew that her daughter was hurting.

"Amy wouldn't want you to starve yourself," Olivia said quietly. "I made these because they're your favorite, and you've always been willing to ruin your lipstick for them. Please, honey. Eat."

Vanessa looked at her mother then and her bottom lip began to tremble slightly.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Vanessa asked hopefully.

Olivia sighed. "This is a family day, honey. Sit down." She moved them both to the kitchen table and put the rolls down. She smiled to herself as she noticed her daughter dig into the pie plate and pull out a roll and begin to slather icing on it with glee. She was growing up quickly but she wasn't quite done yet.

"You're family," Vanessa said with a mouthful of pastry.

Olivia just nodded, pretending to agree. She wasn't Fitz's family anymore. At least he didn't seem to think so.

"I have to finish that piece the University commissioned, and I want to run some errands while you are out," Olivia said. "I'll try to come by a few minutes early to say hello."

"She loved you too, mom," Vanessa said. "I think dad would want to see you today."

"I'll think about it. I'm going to go upstairs and finish getting ready. You need to be at the church in 30 minutes, so finish up and text your brothers to make sure they're up and at 'em."

"They are, they went to breakfast with Dad," Vanessa replied. Olivia stopped on the stairs and thought of Fitz at breakfast with his sons. She knew just where he had taken them-the corner booth at Delmonico's.

Olivia continued up the stairs in the 100 year old Victorian home she had once shared with Fitz. For some reason, her mind was drifting back in time a lot lately. Olivia knew why, but she didn't dare dwell on it. It didn't seem fair or appropriate given the day. But in addition to it being the day Fitz was going to bury his second wife Amy, in two more weeks it would have been his and Liv's seventeenth wedding anniversary. But they weren't married anymore.

Back when they first moved into the house, Fitz and Olivia were 20 and 25 years old and about to have a baby. They rented this house in Alameda's Gold Coast by pooling every resource they had and calling in every favor from friends. The goal had been to live on their own and make their relationship work despite the doubts that her father and his parents had loudly expressed. Fitz was studying to be an architect and Olivia was just a few months away from completing her bachelor's degree. She was on her way to becoming a respected artist. Both of them completely disappointed their parents when they announced their relationship, baby, and engagement in one conversation over Easter brunch.

Though it had been a rocky start, their relationship had been happy and passionate for the first three years. Then things changed.

Pushing the thoughts about the end of her marriage to Fitz from her mind, Olivia selected black slacks and a large grey cashmere sweater from her closet and slipped her feet into comfortable loafers. Securing her hair in a ponytail after brushing it quickly, she finished her makeup, grabbed her keys, and went back downstairs to drive her daughter to her stepmother's funeral.

In the car Vanessa changed the radio station five times before Olivia switched the station to NPR. She chuckled slightly at her daughter's eye roll. Vanessa sat back and started to put in her earbuds to listen to her own music, when Olivia suddenly muted the radio and pulled the car over a few blocks from the church.

"What?" Vanessa asked.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"God, yes!" Vanessa exclaimed. She looked like she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth and then sighed. "I just want this day to be over with, you know? She was sick for so long, and Daddy just—it's really been hard. Brandon and Danny don't really know what to do with themselves, you know? They're like, immature and stupid anyway and now their mom's dead. It's gotta suck. Dad's letting them eat whatever they want and they basically quit showering on the weekends and are even grosser than they have any right to be."

Olivia chuckled at her daughter's assessment of her 10 and 8 year old brothers, and the state of affairs at Fitz's house.

"I asked about you, not your brothers," Olivia said gently.

Vanessa looked down into her lap. "I think she was really ready to go, like a year before she died, you know?"

Olivia did know and nodded. Amy, a once vibrant and striking woman, had languished in and out of the hospital for more than 2 years, and spent 3 months in an assisted living facility, and eventually hospice.

"And Dad just wasn't, you know? Like, he kept on saying that the treatment was going to work and stuff. I think she just wanted him to be okay. So she stuck around for them. I'm kind of relieved you know? She was in so much pain. I don't like seeing Dad upset—he really loved her."

"Yes, he did." Olivia sighed and pulled the car back into traffic. She didn't want them to be late. "If you need me, you call me. Be strong for your dad and your brothers today, okay. And when you get home, I'll be strong for you. We can do our nails and eat ice cream and watch trashy reality TV."

"The Kardashians?" Vanessa asked hopefully.

"I have to draw the line somewhere, young lady, but we'll see."

Vanessa smiled. "Thanks mom. I'll text you when we're done."

"Okay, I'll be at the house."

When she arrived at the large house in Piedmont, Olivia experienced an anxiety she hadn't felt in years. It had been a few months since she'd actually seen Fitz, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to see him now. She didn't want to add to what was already a very complicated time for him. Vanessa wasn't responding to her text messages and she needed to get back home for a conference call—plus her daughter wanted to pick something up at the mall. She was going to have to walk up to the door and ring the bell.

Sighing, Olivia unbuckled her seatbelt but remained rooted in the car. She hadn't set foot inside Amy and Fitz's home in a very long time. She could count on one hand the number of times she'd even been on the property. She only ever dropped off her daughter or picked her up at the curb. It was too much for her to walk into the house and witness the life Fitz had made with someone else after their divorce. She gathered her courage and got out of the car.

Olivia opened the door slowly, whispering her daughter's name. The house was eerily quiet, and Olivia remembered seeing a copy of the program for Amy's funeral services. The family was gathered at Amy's sister's home. She relaxed when she realized that there was probably no one home. Fitz's car was in the driveway but undoubtedly someone else was driving him today. Olivia stepped into the neat kitchen and smiled at its orderliness. Amy had been an excellent cook and homemaker, in addition to being a first-rate journalist. She worked from home often and Olivia felt jealous at her ability to write for worthy publications, raise two boys, and keep Fitz happy, too.

She let her fingertips just lightly touch the countertop and she flinched when she heard a glass break somewhere upstairs. Olivia looked above her head and heard quick footsteps. Not wishing to be caught, she headed back for the door when her phone beeped in her hand. Realizing it could have been her daughter upstairs, she stopped short to read the message. Vanessa's text told Olivia that she had taken her younger brothers out to eat after the services but that they were leaving the restaurant now.

"What are you doing here?"

Olivia tore her eyes from the screen of her phone to find Fitz standing on the bottom step about to come into the kitchen. He'd clearly just come from the shower, and was only wearing a towel.

Olivia felt like she was about to get in serious trouble. She was having difficulty gathering her thoughts. He stared at her expectantly. Olivia shifted from one foot to the other, but found her voice when he continued through the kitchen to the bar to grab a bottle of whiskey.

She pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and said "I, uh—I came to pick up Vanessa, but she-"

"Oh, I'm sorry she took the boys out to grab a bite. She's driving Amy's car. I told her to ask you." Fitz poured himself a drink and Olivia noticed his knuckles looked red and swollen.

"It's okay," Olivia said waving a hand. She moved to the drawers at the island in the center of the kitchen and started opening them. When she found some kitchen towels, she moved to the freezer and took out some ice. She put a few cubes in the towel and handed it to Fitz, before moving back across the room away from him. Fitz after a shower was one of her most favorite kind of Fitz's, and they both knew that. She worked hard not to meet his gaze.

"Thanks," he whispered. He nursed the drink in his hand after a sip or two, just staring down into the amber liquid. "Want one?" he asked.

"Yeah," Olivia said a little too quickly. They were getting into trouble fast, but as per usual with the two of them, there was no place else she would rather be. "I'm sorry, Fitz," she added when he handed her the glass of whiskey.

"Ah, you know these things happen. She lived a good life."

"That sounds really rehearsed. How many times did you have to say that today?"

His reactionary laugh was loud and boisterous. "Only about 1,000, the boys and I decided after a group therapy session that we would just say that any time we couldn't think of anything else."

"Since when do you have a hard time searching for the right words with me?" Olivia asked honestly.

"Since you're standing too close to me and all I can think about is kissing you; and the fact that my wife just died."

"I'll go wait in the car," Olivia said as she tossed back the drink and enjoyed the feel of the good quality liquor burn down her throat.

He grabbed her arm just as she turned for the door. A moan escaped her mouth before his lips closed over hers. The kiss was instantly demanding. Blood rushed to her ears and every other place in her body as his hands moved from her lower back to grip her ass firmly.

"Fitz," Olivia groaned out when she felt one of his hands move up her back to the warm skin there. Pressed as tightly to him as she was, she couldn't deny the significant evidence of his arousal. Her fingertips went to his towel and tugged. Instantly he was naked and she stepped back from him to see. She uttered a little gasp at the sight of him and felt a wave of sadness at the realization that it had been years since she'd seen him like this, but if she were being honest she imagined it all the time.

He reached for her hand, his eyes never leaving hers. Olivia bit her bottom lip and allowed him to guide her hand to his thick member. Fitz closed his eyes and hissed when she grasped him and brought him to her. The kiss was searing and searching, both of them growling and whispering to each other how much they needed and wanted this connection. Her other hand moved up and down his chest, her fingernails running through the light dusting of chest hair before moving around to the nape of his neck.

Olivia pulled Fitz's face down to hers as he kneed her legs apart. His tongue plunged into her mouth for a deep kiss before pulling back suddenly and turning her around. He pulled her slacks and a scrap of black lace panties down her thighs and used his fingers to test the wetness between her legs. He gave an appreciative growl before pushing himself inside her.

"Shit!" Olivia slammed a hand against the countertop and pushed her backside out to get him deeper. They moved together urgently and rhythmically as if they had never stopped making love. One hand was next to hers on the counter, anchoring them, and the other was splayed across her lower abdomen, his fingers lightly stroking her clit expertly. "I'm—I can't—I'm going to-" Olivia's knees began to quake and she felt herself falling apart.

Fitz's hands went to Olivia's hips and moved her at the pace he liked while Olivia held on for dear life. He followed closely behind her, emptying himself into her and constantly kissing her neck and back. Olivia closed her eyes, enjoying the way he smelled, the way he felt, the way his body overwhelmed hers, and how fucking incredible it felt to be with him again, even if it was just his grief talking.

When he stepped away from her, Olivia kicked off her pants, which had fallen into a puddle at her ankles. As she bent to pick them up, she felt his warm hands glide over her backside. Standing up in surprise, she let him gently pull her towards him with one hand while he threw the slacks over the back of a chair at the kitchen table. Her hands went to his face, caressing his cheeks.

"Again," he said, sitting in one of the chairs and tugging her towards his lap.

"Fitz, no, we shouldn't," Olivia whispered. She looked around and remembered they were alone in the house, but for how long? Despite her reservations she went willingly into his lap as he settled her down slowly on top of him. They kissed languidly as he entered her.

"I missed you," he said.

"I'm sorry," she replied.

No more words were exchanged between them. This time the coupling was less urgent, more intense. Her hands went to the back of his neck to play lightly in the curls there, before she anchored herself on his shoulders. The room was filled with their heavy breathing and the sound of their skin slapping together. His head went to her chest as he pushed the sweater up in order to get to her breasts. "Yes," she hissed out when she felt his lips and tongue close around her nipple and suck. She came with him again but this time silently, her whole body quaking around him as she relished the feel of his hands pressing into her hips.

Fitz sat back, his chest heaving, making no move to push her off his lap. Olivia felt insane, invigorated, and ashamed as she looked at him, his face awash in relief. The sound of a car alarm setting itself in the driveway signaled that someone was home. Olivia leaped off of Fitz, causing them both to wince slightly.

"Shit," Fitz said as he grabbed Olivia and started to pull her up the stairs with him.

"No, isn't there a bathroom down here?!"

"Uh, down the hall, just there," Fitz pointed. Olivia nodded and ran for it just as the back kitchen door opened.

"Mom, are you here?!" Vanessa called. She and her brothers came barreling into the kitchen dropping their bags of leftovers, kicking off their shoes and tugging at their neckties. "Hey, guys, take this stuff up to your rooms, come on."

"In the bathroom, honey," Olivia called. "I'll be out in a second."

"Oh, um okay weird," Vanessa said as she moved into the living room and flipped on the television. "Dad, we're home!" she called out to no one in particular.

"Hey sweetheart," Fitz said, jogging back down the stairs now fully dressed. He wore an old NAVY t-shirt and jeans. "Are you leaving with your mom?"

"Yeah it's her night, but I'm sure she'd be cool with it if I stayed." Vanessa looked up at him questioningly. Fitz patted her head gently.

"No, baby you go ahead and keep plans with your mom. We'll be fine."

Olivia took that moment to emerge from the bathroom. She felt warm and knew her face was flushed, but she couldn't help it. Her body still buzzed from her encounters with Fitz and she had cleaned up so hastily that she still felt him touching her. Seconds ago, he had been holding her and now he stood across the room, arms folded as he and their daughter both watched whatever reality show she was obsessed with lately. She also noticed that his knuckles were bright red and slightly scratched. She resisted the urge to tend to him.

"Are you ready, Ness?" Olivia asked as she picked up her purse from the counter top. She didn't walk into the living room with them.

Vanessa stood and looked at both her parents, who were rarely in the same room with each other.

"Yeah, I guess. What's wrong?" she continued to stare back and forth at them while Fitz and Olivia avoided eye contact.

"Nothing, baby, we're just running late, come on."

"That's not Dad's fault, I offered to take them out to eat, to give him some time alone."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Olivia insisted, extending her hand for Vanessa but refusing to step any closer to Fitz. "Do you want to say goodbye to your brothers?"

"No, I'll see them tomorrow. Say goodnight for me, Dad."

"Will do, honey. Olivia, it was good to see you." Fitz moved around the living room and kitchen picking up after his sons and rummaging through the cabinets taking down ingredients to start making dinner. Olivia stared at him for a few seconds, wanting to speak but unable to find the words. There wasn't anything to say. He was back to being the kind yet distant ex-husband that he had been for the last decade.

When they got into the car, Vanessa began fiddling with the radio as Olivia started the drive home.

"I wish Dad would've let me keep her car for the weekend," she mumbled. Olivia remained silent. "Mom?"

"What?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?!" Olivia asked frantically.

"Um, you said you would let me stop and pick up that headband for Jamie's 80's party tomorrow night. You were going to show me how to do my hair like you guys used to?"

"I'm sorry, I just forgot honey. Do you still want to go to that?"

Vanessa's expression gave Olivia her answer. She made a U-turn at the intersection and headed back into town just before she would have had to commit to going through the Webster tunnel to get back onto the island.

A/N: Guys, I have no idea where this story came from, or where it's going. It just would not get out of my brain, so I had to put it down on paper. I will be posting a chapter of Surrender later on today too-the muse just hasn't been biting me lately for that one, but it's probably because I stopped torturing myself watching Scandal. Thanks for reading, please leave a review!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for the sweet reception of this story! I didn't know where I was going to take it beyond that opening scene, so it's taken me a while to flesh it out. I had hoped this chapter would be much longer, but I'd need another day or two to work on it and I just couldn't keep you waiting any longer! So here's a short one to tide you over until this weekend, when i can put up something much longer.

More will be revealed about why Fitz and Liv broke up, but for now just now that they are very definitely still in love. Always have been, always will be. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 2: The song remembers when

1997

Fitzgerald Grant was the funniest, sweetest, kindest, handsomest, sexiest man she had ever met and at 20 years old, Olivia Pope thought he couldn't possibly be real. They met outside the library on campus at UC Berkeley. He was coming out and she was rushing in. They had collided and he helped her pick up the armload of books she dropped.

His blue eyes were striking and his lopsided smile was Olivia's undoing. He carried her books back in to her table and kept perusing the shelves near where she studied until she caught him looking and invited him to sit down. Their conversation, though hushed, had been easy and relaxing. They spent the next two hours together and in the future when they would tell the story of how they met, Fitz still couldn't remember where he had been going that day when he was leaving the library and met the woman who would become his wife.

That night, Olivia called her sister and absolutely gushed in a way that she had never done before. Swearing her to secrecy because Fitzgerald Grant was not only five years older and in graduate school, but he was white, from a rich family, and not the sort of man her father would have picked for his daughter.

If she were being honest, Olivia got a thrill out of hiding her relationship with Fitz at first. He surprised her in the best places, and nights in his apartment off campus were thrilling. They had been so drunk with happiness at having found each other that they didn't pay attention to the fact that they were making love every second of the day they could get their hands on each other, and sometimes they were more careful than others. Then, in one three day weekend, their lives changed forever.

2015

Olivia slammed the door shut to her bedroom and let out a burst of hysterical laughter. Then she immediately put her hand over her mouth in hopes that her daughter hadn't heard her. What in the complete hell had just happened? Her body still buzzing and zinging from what she they had just done, her mind flew to Fitz. She checked her phone to see if he had called, but saw nothing. Sighing, she fell a little further back into reality. What had just transpired between them was nothing short of amazing and crazy and wrong and she was pretty sure it was a distinct anomaly that would never happen again.

She moved to her bed and lay down on the comfortable white duvet cover. She thought back to a time when she never could have had such a bright white comforter—having a baby was just too messy a prospect. She and Fitz had lived on that bed. Their comforter had been stained from spilled ramen noodles, fudge from the sundaes she craved while pregnant, and Teena the birthday kitten he'd named after Olivia's favorite soul singer. Miss Teena now lived in their daughter's bedroom at seemingly all times.

Right now though, Olivia reveled in the feeling of the cool fabric against her heated skin. She thought about all the ways in which her life was different than it used to be when it came to Fitz. He had been her husband, her lover, her co-parent, and her friend. Other than the shared parenting responsibilities of their daughter, she had lost him in every way. Never did she expect this, never did she expect to have him back again like this. Did she have him back?

She shook her head forcefully to clear it of the thoughts of him. She had things to do. She needed to prepare for the conference call she had and make sure that photos from her latest painting for Laney College were uploaded to the shared networking site so the department heads could view them. She also needed to look up YouTube videos on what late 80's styles would best suit her daughter's mixed textured hair. She could barely remember what she used to do with a can of hair spray and bobby pins—she had no idea what to tell her daughter, despite her assurances that she could transform her into Madonna for her friend's party. She had a lot to do besides think of Fitzgerald Grant.

Despite all of this, her thoughts went to him anyway, and she needed to talk to someone about what had just happened. If she kept it to herself it was going to drive her crazy. Olivia reached underneath her bed and pulled out her laptop and opened it to make sure the files had uploaded and connected her computer to the video conference. She muted the microphone on her computer and then dialed her sister on her handset, watching and waiting for others to join the video conference.

"Hey Liv!" Her sister Debbie had an exuberant way of answering the telephone that at times both annoyed and comforted Olivia.

"Hi Deb," Olivia said. "Do you have a minute?"

"Always for you, baby sister. What's going on?"

"I need to talk to you. And I'm sorry to be abrupt and call you during dinner, but I also have a conference call that's going to start any second and when it does, I'm going to have to let you go."

"Oh, well do you want to talk later tonight?" Debbie was whispering to her children, stepping over the dog that lay in the middle of her kitchen, and cooking dinner while talking to Olivia. She was always doing a million things, but always willing to be there for her little sister.

"You're going to want to."

Debbie stopped in her tracks and suddenly Olivia could hear her sister moving out onto the porch and letting the screen door slam shut behind her.

"What have you done?"

"I just fucked Fitz in the kitchen of his house on the day he buried his wife, and I'm probably going to hell for it." All the background noise in her sister's kitchen stopped.

"Olivia Carolyn Pope!"

"I know. Oops, you know what, they're here. I've got to go."

"You cannot call me and tell me that and just hang up!" Debbie gasped.

"I gotta go, babe, it's work. Send me a text when you're done with everything and I'll call you back."

By the time Olivia finished feeding her daughter dinner, doing her nails as promised, and trying out a few different hairstyles for the party she was exhausted. Though the afternoon's memories played in Technicolor in her brain, Olivia had done her best to focus on what was happening in the present. She longed to call Fitz and check on him, longed to know what he felt about what had just happened and what he wanted to come of it.

Instead of looking at her phone Olivia washed her face and tied up her hair and then put away the sketches she had been working on. She slipped into bed and reached for her phone to plug it into the charger. She had several text messages from her sister apologizing for not being able to pick up the phone when Olivia had tried to call her back. Debbie insisted on lunch the next day and told her sister to be ready by noon. The other alert on the phone told her that she had missed a call from Fitz just five minutes ago. Olivia's breath caught and then she impulsively called him back.

"Hello?" his voice sounded incredible at night. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it for a second.

"Hi," she replied.

"Olivia," he sounded relieved. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, I was just getting into bed actually."

Comfortable silence hung in the air between them.

"I don't know what to say—we got carried away—I did. I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that, it was wrong of me to push you into that."

"Do you regret it?" Olivia asked with a tinge of sadness.

"I've never regretted any time we made love, Olivia."

"Me either."

"But still, considering the nature of the day," he sighed.

"I know," she finished for him. "Neither one of us were expecting anything like that to happen."

"But now that it has, Olivia, I haven't been able to think about anything else."

"Think about something else," Olivia said suddenly, surprising them both. "We were both emotional, and that can be so overwhelming. You have two sons to take care of, and what happened between us this afternoon was just a fluke. Okay? You don't have to apologize. I know it was just your grief talking."

"I miss my wife, but I knew she was going to die," Fitz said shocking Olivia. "I knew for two years before she went that I would be here someday. It hurts, like hell, but I can separate what I'm feeling about Amy with what I'm feeling for you."

Olivia shook her head and sat up in bed. "I don't know how I feel, Fitz. I don't know what I want."

"Me either. But maybe we could talk about it?"

Olivia was silent for a while.

"Are you there Olivia?"

"Yeah."

"So, can I come over tomorrow? Just to talk?"

"No!" Olivia said quickly. "I'm sorry, I just mean that I don't want to confuse Vanessa. You haven't been to the house in months, she'll know something's up if you do that. No one needs to know anything until we figure out whatever it is that we are or are not doing."

"Deal, just you me, and Debbie, right?"

Olivia gasped and tried for a split second to feign ignorance before she had to laugh.

"I had to tell her," she chuckled.

"I know, she texted me," Fitz said. "She said she would kick my ass if I didn't handle it the right way, and that got me thinking."

"About what?"

"You," he said honestly. "How in some ways your body hasn't changed. How in some ways it's completely different. How much I missed touching you. How glad I am that you let me."

A hot tear fell down Olivia's cheek as she listened to him talk. She couldn't say anything back.

"You don't have to say anything," he replied when he heard her sniffle. "Tomorrow Delmonico's?"

"They know us there, how about we just meet at Crown Beach for a walk? Maybe coffee at South Shore if we feel like it?"

"Alright. Good night, Olivia."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Easy Silence

Olivia woke up thinking of Fitz. It was a new phenomenon for her, because they had been divorced for over a decade. Though he floated through her mind for some reason or another almost daily, their relationship had fallen into an easy silence. Both of them had acknowledged the pain they caused each other long ago, and for the sake of their daughter they had called a truce on trying to be anything to each other besides co-parents. It really had made things easier when they reached that impasse. She couldn't even remember their last fight.

Glancing at the clock, Olivia turned over but didn't rush to get up. Her daughter could get herself ready for school, and she probably wouldn't eat whatever Olivia got up to make for her, selecting a smoothie or a bag of chips instead. Inwardly she groaned at her daughter's food choices but decided that hiding in her bedroom would keep her from truly seeing whatever Vanessa decided to take to school with her.

Her phone beeped and Olivia smiled at a text from her sister confirming lunch. This prompted her to clarify a time with Fitz. Did she want to talk to him before or after she saw her sister? Better make it before—so she could decompress the whole weekend with Debbie. The prospect of Olivia's day got that much sweeter when she realized that she would be spending it with her two most favorite people. Her sister and her ex-husband were the people who made her laugh the hardest, and had held her when she'd cried the longest. She hadn't had the opportunity to lean on Fitz for any of that in the last several years, but the memory of their friendship was something Olivia had always held dear. In fact, it was the thing that she missed more than anything else.

Just as she was about to call Fitz, the phone began vibrating in her hand.

"Hi," she said.

"Hello, Olivia."

She suppressed a frown and a sinking feeling when he didn't return their familiar sentiment. "I was just checking in with you to see if you still wanted to meet at Crown Beach?"

"Ah," Fitz sighed and Olivia immediately cut him off, sitting up in bed.

"That's okay, we can do it some other time, no big deal."

"The kids are just a little out of sorts this morning, they're both dragging their feet about going to school Danny says he doesn't want to at all. They've been in the routine of getting themselves ready for a while, but you know after the funeral-"

"No explanation necessary, Fitz, really—they've been through so much this year. You know what? Let's not do this today. Be with your sons. I'll send Vanessa over after school, maybe that'll lighten the mood and she can convince them to go tomorrow."

"You're encouraging them to play hooky? Miss Perfect Attendance?"

Olivia let out a chuckle. "The only classes I ever missed in my life were because of you." She let the words hang in the air, tinged with emotion and sparking passion they both remembered very well. Sighing, Olivia just hung up the phone, left with nothing else to say.

She pulled herself out of bed, showered and dressed, and then unceremoniously informed Vanessa that she was driving her to school and then going to see her Aunt Deborah. Knowing that her daughter wouldn't argue with her if she kept moving and didn't make eye contact, Olivia grabbed her keys and purse and told her daughter that she would meet her in the car.

Two Hours Later

Debbie's house was always chaotic. On the outskirts of the island near the former naval base, the old Edwardian house had a huge yard which connected to a beach. The grass and sand were separated by a low rock wall. The two women sat on the wall, facing each other, one leg slung on each side, as they watched Deborah's dog scamper on the beach chasing birds.

"I envy your life," Olivia said. "Married the man you wanted to, had the children you wanted to, never cared what daddy said. I just keep screwing things up."

"You left Fitz," Debbie said bluntly. "That was probably the most screwed up thing you ever did."

Olivia looked at her sister with shock, but when Debbie didn't flinch, Olivia pulled her white sweater closer around her and tucked her knees up under her chin, rocking herself slowly.

"Yeah, I know." Olivia looked out at the placid blue-grey water of the Bay instead of at her sister.

"You let us believe something about him that wasn't true for a long time," Debbie continued.

"I didn't come here for a lecture, Deb. I was young and stupid and I wasn't ready to be a mother."

Ignoring her sister, Debbie went on. "Fitz protected that lie for you for a year while you got your shit together."

"He did."

"And you took too long."

"I took too long," Olivia said, getting defensive. "You think I don't know that? You think I don't know that sleeping with his friend and leaving for a year to pursue my degree wasn't the end of my marriage?"

"I'm not saying it to punish you," Debbie said, reaching out a hand that Liv took. "He forgave you and he did his best to get over you. Hell, he married a woman he only had a mild friendship with, trying to put something between you to protect himself."

"Fitz loved Amy so much," Olivia said, shaking her head.

"Yeah he did eventually," Debbie said softly, "But not more than you."

Olivia tore her eyes away from the water and looked at her sister, her eyes glittering with tears.

"I don't know what to do," Olivia whispered. "I have missed him for fifteen years."

"I know, baby," Debbie said as she scooted closer to her sister. "But I think maybe the day he buried his wife was a little too soon."

"You think?" Liv asked.

Incredulous, Debbie looked down at her sister and then they both burst into uproarious laughter.

"I'm just kidding," Olivia sighed between laughing spells. "It was just a fluke, he'd been drinking and I was tired of waiting, frankly."

"Let's be real, you didn't wait ten years to have sex, little sister." Debbie elbowed Olivia playfully.

Olivia nodded knowingly and then looked over at her sister. "Wanna know a secret?"

"I know all your shit already," Debbie said rolling her eyes, but still looking expectantly at Olivia.

"There's never been anybody better than him."

"It's because you love him," Debbie said matter-of-factly. "He's the father of your only child, and you have been in love with him all of your adult life. It's always going to be better with him."

"What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he just missed me?"

"He's grieving now and he doesn't know what the hell he's doing or what he wants and you should leave him alone until he figures it out."

Olivia nodded but didn't reply.

"I'm serious Olivia," Debbie said. "He's got two little boys, his world is upside down, and you know he'd do anything for you even through all of that. Don't push him down a path he's not ready for just because you're tired of being benched and you're horny."

"Excuse me," Olivia scoffed, "But I did not go over there yesterday knowing that that was going to happen." Debbie's expression told her otherwise. "All right," Olivia said, "I can concede to the fact that I may have been curious to see how things would be between us now that Amy was gone, but I swear to you that I did not go over there with the intention of doing what we did. Neither of us could have known that was going to happen. I never imagined he still felt that way about me. So…" Olivia reached for the right word.

"Passionate? Horny? Lustful?"

Olivia smacked her sister.

"What?" Debbie feigned ignorance. "He was your husband but he was my friend and graduate partner and I know how that man ticks. Loving you is as much a part of him as any other aspect of himself. That never changed. But you need to realize that Amy is the woman he shared his life with."

"You think I don't know that?" Olivia snapped. She stood in a huff. "I live every day with the knowledge that I handed her my life when I was too young to see what I had."

"Go easy, Liv. We worked that out years ago. Vanessa doesn't even remember that you were gone."

Olivia brushed away a spontaneous tear. "I left my family for year, Deb."

"You called, you visited, you took time you needed, and Fitz let you do it."

"He married someone else," Olivia said.

"Yeah." Debbie put her arm around Olivia. "He needed to move on. You both did what was best at the time."

"I want him back," Olivia breathed out, her own words shocking her. She wiped at tears that flowed freely down her cheeks. "When he called to cancel this morning I felt like I was going to die. I don't know how to do this."

"Stand still," Debbie cautioned, holding on tighter to Olivia. "Do what you didn't do the first time, and wait."

"What if he's too hurt? What if he's still too angry with me? What if he can't take me back?"

"Liv, you and Fitz were both too young to know what you were doing. You made mistakes, you hurt each other. That's what children who get married without knowing themselves or each other end up doing. You're not the same woman and he's not the same man. You both love your daughter. If you talk to each other, if you're honest, just keep showing up and things will be all right."

"But what if he can't get over what happened to Amy?"

"Olivia, breathe, child," Debbie said, taking Olivia by both her shoulders. "None of that is happening right now. Resist the urge to rescue him. He's a big ole man and he will be fine. He knew his wife was dying. His children knew their mother was going. They had two years to say goodbye. They made their peace with it—it's you that didn't. It's you that's been hiding away from her. She wanted very much to see her before she passed, you know?"

Olivia broke away then, turning her back on her sister and walking out to the shore line. She put her toes in the icy water, all her focus going to the feeling. She couldn't take talking about Amy with her sister.

Between the two of them, as sisters were wont to do, they had come up with the nickname, Saint Amy. At her lowest, Olivia had resorted to calling her that. Amy had been kind, wanted to connect about their children, and always respectful of Olivia's wishes when it came to parenting Vanessa. But Amy had been protective of her sons being around Olivia unsupervised and Olivia couldn't hide her resentment. She never shared her feelings with her daughter or Fitz, totally unwilling to poison their relationships. But truth be told, Olivia was so jealous of Amy that she couldn't see straight, and she hadn't wanted to face the woman on her death bed. The reality had been too stark, so she ignored invitation after invitation for visits and now, especially after everything that had transpired between her and Fitz in the last twenty four hours, Olivia felt ashamed.

Olivia walked the shoreline for another hour while Debbie went back inside the house, leaving her sister to her thoughts. She played in the sand, thought up inspiration for a new painting she would dedicate to Amy, and then balanced on the rock wall, pretending to be a gymnast for a few idle minutes. She knew the real world would beckon soon enough. She had just hopped off the wall and was searching for her shoes when she saw her sister appear in the door way of the kitchen.

"What?" Olivia said, reading her sister's expression.

"Olivia, come here."

"What is it?" Olivia asked as she sprinted back through the yard. "Why are you looking like that? What's wrong?"

"It's going to be all right."

"What is? You're scaring me."

"Vanessa's been in an accident."

"Oh my god-"

"She's alive, they're taking her to the hospital right now."

A/N: Thank you all for your enthusiasm and interest in this story. More to come!

If anything was unclear, please ask in the reviews. Someone asked Vanessa's age. Yes she is 16 on the cusp of turning 17. Olivia left the family when Vanessa was 2 years old to pursue her art and find herself. This cost her relationship with Fitz, but she thinks her daughter doesn't remember her absence because Fitz shielded her from that. But what does Vanessa really remember? And to be clear, yes the character Olivia had an affair with was Jake, but Jake will not be making an appearance in this story because I hate him. He's just an easy villain to plug in here, instead of creating a whole other character and backstory. Olivia is not married in this story, and hasn't been married to anyone but Fitz, however she has had relationships since their marriage ended. I think those were all the questions asked over PMs and reviews—let me know if I missed anything!

The next chapter will be from Fitz's point of view.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Waiting on the World to Change

2000

"Hey, brother in law," Debbie said as she recognized Fitz picking over bell peppers in the produce section of Nob Hill grocery. Fitz looked up from his chore and grinned. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Yeah," Fitz chuckled, remembering that Deborah was well aware of his disdain for this particular parenting job. He had begged her enough times over the year that Olivia had been gone to add items for him and Vanessa to her list while she was out. Today was different though. Olivia was home and he hoped this stay would be permanent. She had been back for a week and was waiting to see if she would be accepted into an art program in New York. Though he wanted good things for her, Fitz felt that Olivia could study in a prestigious program in San Francisco—or at least on the West Coast. He had agreed to let her go and had never restricted her infrequent visits to their daughter, all in the hopes that the separation would be too much for her.

The opposite seemed to have been the case. Getting the best of all worlds, Olivia contacted him when she was lonely, and when she was busy, her contact slowed. She had been back one other time, very early after first leaving. Fitz had thought that had been it, too. But she had gone on to study and had accomplished a great many things in her time away. What could Fitz say or do to stop her? She was living her dreams, and now that he had moved out of her way, he couldn't throw down ultimatums again. So instead of hounding her about her plans, he had left Olivia with their daughter for some bonding time. He would go to the store, clear his head, and make them all dinner that evening. Then—he would give that ultimatum that he said he wouldn't do last year—because he just didn't think he could survive watching her walk away again.

"Fitz?" Debbie looked at him with some confusion.

"Hmm? Oh I'm sorry, I must have been daydreaming, I was trying to calculate a recipe in my head."

"You making dinner for everyone tonight?"

"Yeah," Fitz said bashfully as he put the items into his cart. "I hope Liv likes it. She doesn't do much cooking on her own."

Debbie nodded, the reason for Olivia's meals being lacking was obvious to the both of them. "I'd invite you," Fitz continued, "But I just want it to be us tonight."

"I understand," Debbie smiled at him. She rubbed her protruding belly and sighed. "I don't think that I'll move off the couch for the rest of my life once I get home, anyway."

"How's the baby?" Fitz asked.

"Gonna be a soccer player, not a scholar," Debbie joked.

"Hey now, why not both?"

"Yes, you're right, the women in my family certainly like to have their cake and eat it too." The joke was tinged with an uncomfortable silence. "Listen, I just wanted to say hello to you, not derail your grocery shopping, but I thought I would check on you since Liv got the news."

"News?"

"Oh uh, she got into the program she wanted, right? In Manhattan?"

Fitz trusted that the look on his face told his sister-in-law what she needed to know.

"She didn't say anything yet," Fitz replied. "I didn't know she got in."

"Oh I'm sure she was going to tell you tonight, during your special dinner," Debbie said backtracking. "I'm sorry, Fitz, I thought you knew."

"When is she leaving?"

Debbie sighed and looked at her hands resting over her abdomen. "Tomorrow."

Fitz cleared his throat and began looking around at the other stands of produce for what he needed.

"Oh hey, Fitz," Debbie said reaching for him, "I am sorry."

"It's okay, I'm sure we were going to talk about it tonight. I better get back to them."

"Fitz, look," Debbie walked after him as he moved down an aisle. "Why don't we take Vanessa tonight? Liv's had her all week, you two need to talk. I'll bring her back in the morning before Liv's flight."

"What time is her flight, since you are clearly the more informed one of the two of us?"

"I don't know, mid-afternoon, early evening."

"Yeah," Fitz agreed, "if you don't mind and are feeling up to having her."

"Are you kidding? My niece is a delight, and I can practice my mad diaper changing skills."

Fitz chuckled and mumbled a "thanks," before hurrying to finish his shopping and get home to Olivia.

When he arrived, Olivia was sitting on the couch with Vanessa draped over her. The baby was sleeping and Olivia was about to nod off too, remote in hand. She looked up at him with a smile as he went past her with an armful of groceries. He put them on the table and then gingerly picked up his daughter. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and placed her in the nearby swing. He turned on the music and rocker function so that she would keep snoozing while he talked to Olivia, who had already begun emptying the bags.

"Oh my god, you're going to make pizza?" Olivia asked excitedly. "When will it be ready, I'm starving? What can I do to help, chop vegetables? Where's the knife?" She answered her own question as she rummaged through the drawers.

"Yes, in a couple of hours, I know, and yes you can chop vegetables. Everything is where it always is." If Olivia noticed his tone she didn't say anything. He noticed she paused and then continued taking groceries out of the bags in silence.

"So what took so long at the store?" Olivia finally asked causally as she watched him put the pizza dough on the counter to rise.

"Ran into Deb," Fitz replied. "In fact, I should go pack an overnight bag for the baby, because Deb's gonna keep her tonight."

A look of panic flashed across Olivia's face, but she said nothing. Opening and closing her mouth, he guessed she must be trying to think of an explanation for keeping their daughter home tonight, other than admitting it was because it was going to be her last night at home.

"We can't ask her to do that, she's like 12 years pregnant," Olivia said.

"She's not due for another two months. Plus her husband will be there."

"Did you ask her?"

"No, she volunteered, wanted to give us time to talk, but she said she'd bring her by after breakfast."

"Oh, I guess that's all right," Olivia sighed.

Fitz moved to go upstairs to pack a bag for Vanessa, when Olivia moved ahead of him. "You go ahead and finish up down here, goodness knows chopping vegetables is where my contribution ends, and I'll pack her bag."

"All right," Fitz sighed. Once she was gone, he thought long and hard about what he was going to do next. This program was going to take Olivia away for at least another 2 – 3 years. It wouldn't have bothered him at all if she committed to something near them, something where he could get to her quickly if he needed to, but New York was too far away. She couldn't live with them or see their daughter, and frankly he'd had enough of this. Hadn't he given up dreams too?

Fitz let out a deep breath. The truth was, he was already in graduate school when they met. He completed his degree before Olivia gave birth, and he had the job he wanted. He was on the path. He hadn't had to give up what Olivia would stand to give up if she took a teaching job locally and became a working mom. She wanted her advanced degree and she deserved to have it. He wished she would compromise and do it on this side of the country, but he didn't have the right to ask her to compromise her first choice. No one had asked him to give up anything—except his wife.

Where would it end? He didn't tell Olivia that Vanessa had called Debbie 'mama' by mistake; and that after that he'd limited their contact for a while. He didn't tell her that he got up when Vanessa fussed at night because he sensed that she would take a while to get used to Olivia's presence again and then what use would he be when she was gone again? Fitz couldn't say that he'd met someone who piqued more than a casual interest and that if he weren't married, he would have asked this woman out. He couldn't say any of that and expect Olivia to want to stay. Those words would send Olivia even faster to New York.

The timer took him from his thoughts. He heard the shower turn off upstairs and heard the sliding glass door on the closet slide open. Olivia kept her things in the bureau. She wouldn't need to open that closet for anything unless she was digging out her luggage. Fitz decided against satisfying his curiosity and focused on rolling out the dough.

Olivia came back downstairs just as he was putting the pizzas into the double oven in the wall. He'd made her vegetarian one just as she liked, but put extra pepperoni on his because he knew she'd steal at least one slice.

"God that smells good, did you make the sauce tonight, too?" she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her skin was still warm and damp from the shower and her hair was still wet. He busied himself cleaning, but gave her arm a squeeze of encouragement.

"Yep, homemade sauce, your grandmother's recipe actually," he said as he angled his head towards the recipe box on the counter.

"That woman could make anything," Liv said sadly. She walked over to the box. "Hey, dessert's on me, how about it?" She didn't wait for a response from Fitz, but instead started taking out ingredients. "What do you feel like? Let's get gluttonous, why don't we? Pizza for dinner, and cinnamon rolls for dessert?"

Fitz couldn't help his genuine laughter. She was so petite, but she could eat and drink him under the table. Her enthusiasm for sugar was endearing.

"Sure," he said. He walked over the swing and picked up Vanessa who was now watching them and babbling softly. He sat at the island in the kitchen and watched his wife prepare the recipe as best she could, between reading the words scrawled on the index card from twenty years ago and asking him questions. She made a mess and they laughed all the way through it, neither one of them mentioning the pink elephant in the room.

They ate dinner in comfortable silence; the only noise coming from their daughter was she tried a bit of this or a nibble of that. When Fitz wasn't looking, Vanessa had picked up a cinnamon roll and smashed the whole thing into her face. With a yelp from her father, Vanessa had dropped the sticky confection and grinned with a ring of thick white icing around her face. The both of them had broken up into peals of laughter, which had a domino effect on their daughter, and then again on them.

The reverie was interrupted by the doorbell, which they remembered to be Debbie. Olivia scooped the baby up and began cleaning her, while Fitz let Debbie in and then started cleaning the kitchen.

When they were finally alone and Fitz started to walk up the stairs to their bedroom, Olivia put a hand on his and stopped him.

"Fitz, before you go upstairs, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Talk to me about? Or tell me?" Fitz asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean are we going to have a conversation about the fact that you got into the school in New York that you wanted, and that maybe you'll consider applying to schools here too, or are you going to just tell me that you're leaving in the morning?"

He didn't need to ask further when he saw the look on her face. "My sister told you, didn't she?"

"Not on purpose," Fitz replied. "She thought I already knew which is why she offered to babysit, to give us some time alone-because this is our last night together."

Olivia followed Fitz upstairs. He paused at the doorway to their bedroom and she collided with him softly. He instantly turned around and picked her up. Instinctively her legs wrapped around his and her arms fell into place around his shoulders. Fitz pushed her back against the wall and let his forehead rest against hers.

"Fitz," she breathed out when he began kissing her neck. Her emotions conflicted, but her body always responded to his machinations. Ignoring her, he continued to kiss his way up to her mouth, silencing her. Olivia kissed him back thoroughly, running her fingers through his hair and cradling his head in position so she could kiss him the way she wanted to.

They made love for what would be the last time in many years, in the hallway in that house. The next morning, Fitz went out while Olivia finished packing. He brought the baby home earlier than planned so he could have a distraction while she got ready to leave. When it was time, he took her to the airport. They hadn't discussed anything. Olivia promised to be back in time for Christmas, but when she got there and discovered that a major project would be due at that time, she called Fitz and asked him to fly to her for New Year's. Fitz had responded by mailing her divorce papers.

Today, Alameda Hospital Waiting Room

Olivia paced in circles while Fitz sat rigidly in his chair. They were the only two in the room besides a nurse and a janitor.

"Why does she have the keys to that car?" Olivia snapped suddenly. They hadn't been speaking for some long minutes now.

"I didn't give her the keys, Olivia. She left school and came home, and took the car. I told you that."

"Why does she have ACCESS to the keys then," Olivia said sarcastically. She hated when he played the game of semantics with her.

"Because I trust our daughter, and as you know, she has never done anything like this before."

Olivia turned away from him then, angry at this detached way he displayed his anger. He rarely yelled, rarely showed her his emotions anymore. She missed the man he used to be. The man he had been just yesterday when he passionately and recklessly made love to her-the man who she could incite with just a look or a word—not this broken, quiet man who had been pushed to his limit by the death of his wife and now injury of his daughter in the same week.

He kept his head down and his jaw line was set tightly. Looking at him now she felt overwhelming sympathy mix with anger at his lack of response. She was about to say something more when the doctor came into the room. Fitz got to his feet and stood with Olivia as he approached.

"We're her parents, is my daughter all right?" Olivia and Fitz said at the same time. Olivia flinched slightly at Fitz's use of the word "my."

"Your daughter has a slight contusion on her forehead but she's going to be all right. I'd like to talk to you about her blood test results."

"What she drinking? Was it drugs?" Olivia asked.

"No, there were no drugs or alcohol in her system."

"Then I don't get it," Fitz said. "Why did she crash the car? Was one of her friends driving?"

"No, according to your daughter she was driving."

"Well this doesn't make sense, she has her license, she drives her brothers sometimes—she knows how to navigate a car on this island."

"Let the man talk," Olivia interrupted.

"We found dangerously low levels of sugar in your daughter's blood."

"Sugar?" Olivia and Fitz said simultaneously.

"Yes, your daughter has tested positive for type 1 diabetes."

"That doesn't make any sense," Olivia said, shaking her head.

"It does, actually. It runs in both our families. She hasn't been eating well, sleeping more. Haven't you noticed that?" Fitz asked.

Olivia didn't like the accusatory tone. She took Fitz's implication that he noticed their daughter's behavior even in his grief. She pushed down her own guilt, knowing that she had been focused on a work project lately, but she was not a neglectful parent. She just thought Vanessa had the behavior and appetite of any teenager.

The doctor interrupted their staring contest. "Likely, she experienced low blood sugar suddenly, and passed out while driving. The police told us that there wasn't much damage, there wasn't another car involved. She hit her head on the steering wheel, I'm told by the EMTs who responded to the scene."

"But she's going to be all right?"

"Yes, many people lead normal lives, but there'll have to be some changes to her diet, and she'll need insulin."

"Shots?" Olivia asked.

"Perhaps, but we're going to monitor her and keep testing her. She'll be here a day or two, but we'll send her home with a regimen to manage it. She's going to be just fine."

"Thank you doctor," Fitz said, extending his hand. The doctor shook Fitz's hand and then took Olivia's. He smiled warmly at them both and pointed them to a section of pamphlets on the wall. A nurse appeared with some paperwork, and when it was all finished, Olivia and Fitz sat next to each other, staring out the window at the water. From where they were on the sixth floor, they could see all the way to the City.

"She's my daughter too," Olivia said suddenly. Fitz looked at her strangely. "I know you like to pick and choose when that's true, but she's my daughter, too."

"I don't have time to pamper your vanity, Olivia," Fitz replied. "We know you're her mother."

"But you're the parent, right? You're the one with a complete family and a big house, and more money. You're the one people call when there's an emergency; you're the one that makes the decisions?"

"I don't have a complete family anymore, but thanks for pointing that out, Liv."

Olivia grimaced when he got up and walked away. She regretted not choosing her words more carefully; she was just worried about her daughter.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Fitz, but this is our daughter." Before she could stand and go to him, Debbie came into the room. She went to Fitz immediately and hugged him.

Olivia looked at their prolonged embrace with a bit of suspicion, but pushed it away when her sister came just as quickly over to her. Olivia never liked watching any woman, even her sister, put their hands on Fitz.

"I got here as soon as I could, I had to get the kids squared away," Debbie said.

"It's okay," Liv replied.

"How is she?"

"She's going to be fine. She passed out while she was driving."

"Oh my god," Debbie said. "How does a 16 year old kid pass out while driving? Was she drunk or high or something?"

"No, they said she has diabetes," Olivia said with a little anguish on her voice.

"Oh, Fitz," Debbie said as she extended a hand to him, and dropped Olivia's. The move made Olivia roll her eyes. How long was she going to have to keep being thought of as the secondary parent? This was her baby, too. "This explains the napping at my house and stuffing her face with sugar."

"Well I don't know about the sugar," Fitz chuckled, "she has always been able to eat a whole plate of your grandmother's cinnamon rolls on her own. But I just looked up this article and it says this is the age it can show up. Didn't an aunt of yours have this?"

"Yes, our great Aunt Cecily, and two of her children."

"I'll leave you two to discuss it," Olivia said bitterly as Debbie and Fitz both looked over at her.

"Where are you going?" Debbie asked.

"To sit with my daughter."


End file.
